"Goat Lady" Bought Favre-Themed Goat for Dinner →
My friend Adam just returned home from Wisconsin, bringing with him news that the Minnesota/Wisconsin Brett Favre rivalry has escalated to new levels. Quoth Adam: “I think it may have been some kind of Trojan Goat, filled will hundreds of angry Wisconsonites. Lucky the cops disposed of it before midnight that night. I wonder if Favre is a Trojan Favre?” God, I do miss the midwest.
After ten years of enduring my subway seat space being encroached upon by dudes suffering from My Dick’s So Big I Can’t Close My Legs Like A Normal Person Syndrome, I finally (FINALLY) did something about it last night. I wasn’t even in a particularly bad mood yesterday, so I have no idea why, at this particular moment, I finally snapped. But I got on the subway after work, and...
Last night when I took out my contact lenses before going to bed, I noticed that a small chunk was ripped out of the corner of one of the lenses. It’s not a huge tear, but a contact lens is a small thing, and also you put it in your eye, and, well, generally, I’m not a doctor or anything but you probably shouldn’t put torn pieces of plastic on your eyeballs. So what did I do...
Brooklyn Man Rescues Falcon From Pigeon Bullies →
First sign of the apocolypse: Pigeon Bullies.
$185 for Three Laser Hair Removal Treatments →
A friend of mine recently introduced me to Groupon — a website that offers a daily discount on products and services if enough people sign up for the deal. Fine, great, whatever. So today’s groupon is for $185 worth of laser hair removal. Ok, again fine, whatever. But then you read the fine print of what exactly they are offering, and, well. Just read it: Women: Under arms,...
Today on my way into the office I saw a homeless man’s dick in the subway station. The owner of said dick had an air about him of Chief Bromden from One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest. He was completely undaunted by the hundreds of commuters shuffling past his exposed genitals, although, to be fair, the hundreds of commuters were seemingly just as unfazed. After I made my transfer to...
A bunch of slanderous bullshit. →
(I heart otters).
Scattered Thoughts on Deprivation.
Last night Arie informed me that LenDale White (Tennessee Titans) lost thirty pounds in the off-season, just by giving up tequila. Some things I’ve given up, with mostly succesful results, though without losing thirty pounds: Cigarettes LSD Psychedelic mushrooms Ecstasy Black tar heroin Cocaine Various unidentified pills slipped to me in bar bathrooms in the middle of the night by...