January 2009
38 posts
Hurts So Good
You know what I hate? All of these stupid “fashion” blogs where dumb girls just post a bunch of pictures of pretty dresses that cost a minor fortune with captions like “I MUST have this,” or “This purse is going to TOTES change my entire spring wardrobe!! Jealous, much?!”
So why can’t I stop fucking reading them??
Everything that is wrong with humanity →
Sofa Cum Bed! Get Your Sofa Cum Bed!
It’s been a long time since I did The Week In Craig, but I still occasionally come across a funny-ha-ha over there.
Bathroom Habits
Ever since I was a little kid I have kept a radio in the bathroom so that I can listen to the oldies station (101.1 CBS FM) while I shower. Essentially what this means is that if you ever need a music person to join your bar trivia team and your mom is unavailable, I’m your woman. Anywaaaay. So, this morning “You May Be Right” by Billy Joel came on the radio while I was in the...
Why does this exist?
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Bud Lite is a Racist
You know that Bud Lite commercial that is on tv approximately every 40 seconds these days? The one where the dumb guy draws a stomach filled with carnival food, and then he draws his personal favorite, baba ghanoush, and then that horrible woman with the horrible voice goes “What’s baba ghanouuuuush?” And then he says he actually has no idea what baba ghanoush is, and then...
Overall Impression of the Toe Sucking: Lovely, Not... →
Final Note On the Miracle Plane Incident
There was something marvelously in order in the universe yesterday that Bush’s Farewell Address was totally upstaged in the news by a fucking airplane crashing in New York City.
Smell ya later, dude.
Nets Run Into Buzzsaw in Boston →
Is it wrong that I saw this headline and thought for a second “the Arizona Cardinals are playing basketball now?!”
Big Drunk Loser? Join The Club.
I invented a special new American Idol cocktail last night. I’m not going to say anything more about that, but no, in case you were wondering, I’m not ashamed.
1 part vodka
1 part creme de cacao
1 part milk
splash of peppermint schnapps
Shaken well, not stirred (this is key).
Put on your pajamas and drink this two nights per week while screaming at the television ”Oh no...
Trends: Autism, the Disease of the Internet Era →
“The worry now: Are we all perhaps a bit autistic? … In other words, we see autism everywhere because we want to. And we look for it in our kids because we’re obsessed with whether we have it ourselves.”
I promise to never post ever again complaining about a gawker item (how hypocritical/how 2003/how boring)…but Aunt Amy found this to be very cheap, and very stupid....
The Only Good Thing That Happened This Weekend →
It’s true that I’m easy to please, but Mickey Rourke thanking his dogs last night when he won a Golden Globe filled me with pure, unadulterated joy. (“Sometimes when you’re alone, all you got is your dog and they meant the world to me”). I love him. I really do.
Also, a quick word on the Giants before never mentioning it again. Screw you, Daulerio. That is all.
I made fun of the Eagles on Deadspin and all I got...
Today I was referred to as “Blair, that idiot Mets fan,” and was called ”not legitimately attractive.” Guess which one hurt my feelings?
Go Yanks.
No Pressure Or Anything...
Email Just Received:
Amy,
Sounds like when i was in labor with kelly—24 hours in the hospital and easier labor at home during the day. she was 8 pounds 15 oz. Anyway, tell his sister congratulations when you see her. When do you plan to make me a grandma again?? mom
Did You Just Finish Watching the BCS Championship...
So, we all knew that Tim Tebow is a homeschooled missionary with a heart of gold. But did you also know that when the starving children of the Phillipines had no milk, he nursed them at his teet? And when the river people lost their boat to the monsoon, Tebow carried them across on his back? And when the evil minions of Satan attempted to take over the earth, he personally fought them off with...
Early Oscar Prediction (Blame it on My Period)
So, disclaimer #1. I have yet to see Frost/Nixon, The Wrestler, or Revolutionary Road. But! I cried like an idiot throughout The Curious Case of Benjamin Button last night, and I am declaring right now that it is going to take home the Best Picture Oscar. Possible (probable?) blame can be placed on my overactive hormones that caused me to cry like a little mascara-faced idiot throughout, oh,...
Report: Jennifer Love Hewitt & Fiance Split →
Nooooooo! And here she had just gotten so skinny. Alas, all for naught.
This is a test. This is from my phone.
The Internet Idiot
This is the obligatory “I started a tumblr” post. I’m so humiliated.